Faking The Funk

So I've finally admitted that I lost the two sequels to my book. Hmm now what? Well since then I have been acting like all is well, uploading movie clips and until last week, health permitting, I have kept up with the Nubian Scribes radio show as usual, but my heart hasn't been in it. I've been going through the motions, trying to carry on in the same manner I would advise anyone else in my situation to do. "Come on girl, you're not trying to tell me a lil pain is gonna stop you?", "I know you've lost a lot, but the books were more than just the words you wrote. Take your time and start again, it may even be better this time", "Heartbreak, ya frickin' sissy get the hell over it, no man is worth this many tears".

If you find yourself in a car crashed you are advised to not shy away from being behind the wheel, on the contrary, its best to jump right back into the drivers seat asap. Yup, I know the theory and based on that principle, I have tried hard to follow through with the practical. I've opened my manuscripts and written a couple of chapters, but writing to my book feels like an uphill climb. The next best thing is to write no matter what, even if it isn't words that contribute to my books, hence the attention I'm giving to my blog as of late. Last week I set myelf a few tasks as a way of jump-starting myself back into action and I'm happy to say I have made some progress for it. By the end of the week, my world fell to pieces once again and I felt like I was back to square one.

I got good peeps around me and they have been strong with words of encouragement, but there comes a time when I don't want to hear my own bullshit, so I stop talking about it. If I'm not strong enough sound like I'm not in pain, then next best thing is to not talk at all, hence the cancelling of the radio show. I didn't have the stamina to fake the funk for a straight hour. I've been faking for long enough as it is, and while it seems it would have gotten easier, it actually hasn't. I don't want to discuss the thousand differnt ways this is going to make me a better person, I already know this. I don't want to consider how many ways I can back up my work and prevent this from happening in the future, I've been a certified computer technician for 10+ years and an IT Tutor for 7. I don't need to hear how he's an ass and I'm worth so much more, come on, how many times have I consoled you through similar? It's partly because of all of the above that this is so maddening, because I KNOW THIS, and hearing myself talk nonsense is enough to make me wanna step outside myself so I can get better leverage to furnish my person a bitch slap.

Pick your gotdayum ass up and stop acting like a fricking wuss! I'm more or less used to my body being unruly, going off and surrendering to pain every once in a while, but when at the same time, my mind sees logic and fails to act on it, it's like I've entered my own personal Twilight Zone. I'm becoming a FB addict for heaven's sake, can it get any worse??? LOL Okay all is not lost, I still have my smile.

So here's the plan - Mourning is over, including the faking of the funk:

Being of the few who know the nutritional benefits of sci-fi, I intend to OD on it for the next couple of days, as well as get back to doing my meditation walks.
I need to get this 'fro braided already, so I can get to focusing on other stuff, such as my weekend away where massages are plentiful and room service is standard. I've written some notes for my books, I intend to follow through with another chapter (I wrote one already this week).

Geez, why am I here babbling, I got shit I need to do!